1. IrvingSnodgrass - July 12, 1999 - 9:06 AM PT
Welcome to the Fray's first ever Mystery Theatre. Our host, JJ Biener, has planned an interesting story line, with fraygrants playing the roles. I don't even know what will happen.
JJ, and his narrator Marlow, will begin introducing the story tonight. I am certainly looking forward to watching things develop in this unique thread. Thank you, JJ, for a most interesting idea.
2. ACEofSPADES - July 12, 1999 - 9:12 AM PT
Shit, the name Marlow(e) is taken already? That sucks.
I guess I'll have to be Rico Malibu, Hollywood PI, Detective to the Stars.
3. ACEofSPADES - July 12, 1999 - 9:13 AM PT
(All further posts by me in this thread will consist of cynical Marlowesque one-liners. And the occasional ass joke.)
4. Jenerator - July 12, 1999 - 9:30 AM PT
My guess is that it was the Professor, in the kitchen, with the candlestick.
Am I close?
5. cllrdr - July 12, 1999 - 9:44 AM PT
"We wuz wit you, boss -- at Rigoletto's!"
6. HCaulfield - July 12, 1999 - 9:56 AM PT
Jenerator -- I remember her. A bleach bottle blond with legs that went from here to there, but you could never tell where "here" started and "there" ended. One day the judge will throw the book at her for having a body that ignores the law of gravity, and I hope I'm the book.
7. ACEofSPADES - July 12, 1999 - 9:56 AM PT
Jen:
Angelface, this is a crime-scene, not a debutante ball. Now get your pretty self out of here before the bulls show up.
8. Jenerator - July 12, 1999 - 10:01 AM PT
HC,
I'm a real blonde, thankyouverymuch.
Ace,
I'm not afraid!
9. ACEofSPADES - July 12, 1999 - 10:03 AM PT
Angelface, whaddaya think the Bunko Boys are gonna make of a society dame like you poking her powdered nose around a corpse?
Who are the Bunko Boys anyway? I don't know, and that scares me.
Now scram, Blue Eyes. Murder is man's job. It's a bloody business but it pays the utilities.
10. Jenerator - July 12, 1999 - 10:09 AM PT
Well, okay then. At least *I* have an alibi...
11. Raskolnikov - July 12, 1999 - 10:12 AM PT
Of course she has an alibi. Dames like her always do. It usually ends up being a down on his luck loser with one way ticket to sap-ville.
12. ACEofSPADES - July 12, 1999 - 10:17 AM PT
What is it about a dame that always makes me end up playing second base for the Cincinnati Saps?
13. theDiva - July 12, 1999 - 10:22 AM PT
Hell yes, Jenerator is a real blonde.
A blonde who could make a bishop kick out a stained glass window.
14. HCaulfield - July 12, 1999 - 10:28 AM PT
I can vouch that Jenerator has an alibi ... in fact, she has two of 'em. Plus she wears her clothes so tight, you wonder if she's on the inside trying to get out, or on the outside trying to get in. So, Justice might be blind, but lucky for her, it's got a pretty good sense of touch.
15. theDiva - July 12, 1999 - 10:32 AM PT
So who's the corpse?
I mean, for there to be a killer, there has to be a kill-ee, right?
16. ACEofSPADES - July 12, 1999 - 10:41 AM PT
No. 13 was very nice, Diva. It had the punch of a middleweight and the icy smoothness of good gin.
17. theDiva - July 12, 1999 - 11:05 AM PT
Thanks, Rico.....I think I cribbed that one from Raymond Chandler.
18. benear - July 12, 1999 - 11:12 AM PT
It was discovered today that someone or someones broke into the Microsoft corporation and machine-gunned the entire Slate tech support staff gangland style. The putrid rotting corpses were discovered when a foul odor drifted into Bill Gates' office. Upon investigation it was learned the crime was committed 3 months ago.
"Well, that explains all the Fray technical problems," said Mrs. J. Athome when reached at home for comment.
Mystery solved.
19. JJBiener - July 12, 1999 - 11:43 AM PT
Greetings Mystery Fans. Welcome to the Fray Mystery Theatre. To answer Diva's question, we do indeed have a corpse. In fact someone near and dear to our hearts did a swan dive off his balcony at the Adams' Mark Hotel last night only to come up short when he hit the street below. I could tell you who it is, but that would ruin the surprise. The police are currently investigating and information will be posted as it becomes available.
I have hired a private investigator name Marlow (no, not that Marlowe), and he will be filing his first report this evening. He is having technical difficulties at the moment, but we believe he will be on-line tonight.
Several Fraygrants are witnesses and/or suspects. They will receive their instruction via email this evening as well. They have information that will be useful is solving the mystery. Be warned, not all of their information is useful. The witnesses will be truthful if asked a direct question, however, they are free to misleed as long they don't directly contradict the truth. The murderer will lie if he/she thinks it is in his/her best interests to do so.
Marlow and I will be available as much as possible to answer questions. If you think you have solved the mystery email me at jjbiener@yahoo.com. You need to tell me the murderer, the motive, and the means. The first with the correct answer will announced at the conclusion.
Happy hunting!
20. Jenerator - July 12, 1999 - 11:45 AM PT
All I know is that the guy told me his name was "Johnny".
21. cigarlaw - July 12, 1999 - 11:52 AM PT
IT WASN'T ME, MAN. SOME OTHE DUDE DID IT.
i have an alibi. the don was busy all night with ace and a boatload of lesbians feeding elliot to the sharks.
22. ChristinO - July 12, 1999 - 12:05 PM PT
oooooh! goody goody goody!
I can't wait to play!
23. Raskolnikov - July 12, 1999 - 12:20 PM PT
The pressure has gotten to me. The guilt has corroded my soul to the point where confession is my only possible release.
I did it. I killed him. The bastard was my former business partner, who swindled me out of a million dollars, tried to seduce my wife, altered my son's SAT scores to prevent him from getting into Harvard, left his trash bags on my lawn for weekly trash pickup, gave my name to every phone solictitation company in the company, used a clone of my e-mail address to post to every pervert group on Usenet, always made a point of calling me on the phone during the X-Files, wore strong magnetic wristbands while picking up every videotape in my movie collection, soaked my entire vintage wine collection in the bathtub in order to make all of the labels come off, drew "Captain Morgan" moustaches on every picture in my wedding photo album, and fed my dog hamburger laced with Ex-Lax.
So I got my revenge. First I secretly photographed him with his mistress. I then used those photographs to convince his wife to sleep with me in revenge. Then I did the mistress just for the hell of it.
Finally, I convinced his Mistress to lure him up to the hotel room, where I poisoned him with a glass of arsenic-laced elderberry wine, shot him through the stomach, nailed him to a cross, and shoved him off the balcony with an aquarium-full of piranhas dumped down his pants. I have no regrets.
Glad to get this off my chest. Sorry to end the thread so soon.
24. JJBiener - July 12, 1999 - 12:55 PM PT
Damn it, Rask. Now I have to start over.
25. FreetoChoose - July 12, 1999 - 1:34 PM PT
The Adam's Mark huh? Brings back some, uh, interesting memories.
26. thoughtful - July 12, 1999 - 2:10 PM PT
Reminds me of the time the cops in a nearby town found blood dripping from the trunk of an abandoned car. They opened the trunk and found a guy in there, hands tied behind his back, feet tied, shot in the head and the chest.
The only comment was, they felt pretty sure they could rule out suicide.
27. cigarlaw - July 12, 1999 - 2:37 PM PT
RAS: CLEARLY A CASE OF JUISTIFIBLE HOMICIDE IF I EVER SAW ONE. TOU'RE THE VICTIM HERE. THE SON OF A BITCH DESERVED TO DIE AND THIS WAS JUST HIS DAY FOR DOING IT.
I WILL DEFEND YOU IN THE FRAYTRIAL.
IN ANSWER TO YOUR NEXT QUESTION: HOW MUCH YOU GOT?
28. cmboyce - July 12, 1999 - 3:30 PM PT
Message #20
Was that a "witness and/or suspect" speaking? If so, _who_ said his name was Johnny, the victim with has last breath as he expired on the asphalt, or just some john?
29. cllrdr - July 12, 1999 - 4:23 PM PT
And the killer is -----
Ned Flanders!
30. alistairconnor - July 12, 1999 - 6:45 PM PT
[Alistair enters stage left, glancing around anxiously. Carefully inspects a heavy silver candlestick on the mantlepiece, looks behind a couple of pictures. Awkward in his movements because he appears to be concealing something under his thick black cloak. Cocks his head at a noise and escapes stage right through the conservatory.]
31. Marlow - July 12, 1999 - 8:39 PM PT
It had been a quiet, uneventful day. Not the standard fare for someone in my business. I'm a private investigator. I had just finished up a case where a society marriage had gone up in smoke with all of the usual collateral damage. It had taken months to track down all of the tedious details, but the time and effort had finally paid off. I had submitted my final reports to my client and to the court, and I was looking forward to a little down time. I had a couple of cases cooking on the back burner, but it would be weeks before they would come to a boil. In the meantime, I was hoping to catch up on my sleep. Maybe get in a round or two of golf.
Needless to say, I wasn't pleased when my secretary, Myrna, buzzed me from the outer office.
"Marlow, there is a gentlemen out here who wants to talk to you about hiring your services."
I cursed under my breath and said to Myrna, "Alright. Wait two minutes then send him in."
I drained the last of the Jack Daniels from the glass on the desk, then returned the glass and the bottle to bottom drawer of the file cabinet. I ran my fingers through my hair in a vain attempt to be at least semi-presentable.
The door opened and he walked in. He was average height, well dressed, husky, glasses, beard. I figured him for the intellectual type. He introduced himself as JJ Biener. "My friends call me JJ." His firm handshake and eye contact gave the impression of confidence and control.
"Marshall P. Marlow. My friends call me Marlow." I saw the glint in his eye and the smirk on his lips and quickly added, "No one calls me Marsh. EVER!"
He smiled in understanding and said, "With a name like mine, I understand."
I motioned for him to take a seat. "What can I do for you?"
"A former client of yours recommended you. He said you might be available to do some security work."
32. Marlow - July 12, 1999 - 8:42 PM PT
I have been known run a bit of security when things got slow. It is not first choice when faced with a new case, but I thought it might just the thing to kill a little time.
"Go on."
"I am hosting a convention of sorts. These are all people I know through the Internet." He proceeded to describe The Fray and its history and the planning that led up to this event, the Midwest FrayUnion. Slate, the online magazine that The Fray is associated with, was sponsoring the event and was even providing the guest speaker. "We have people coming from as far as Indonesia for this event. That being the case and with the semi-famous nature of our guest speaker, I thought someone with your skills would be an asset to the team."
It sounded easy enough. All I had to do watch over things and make sure no one or nothing got out of hand. We spent the next hour discussing details and timing. He shook my hand again as he left. As I watched him disappear behind the office door, I had vague sense of unease. There was something wrong. I could sense it, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
Yesterday was the first day of the event and I had airport duty. I met the attendees as their flights arrived and made sure they connected with their transportation to the hotel downtown. JJ was downtown at the Adam's Mark apparently arguing with the hotel staff over arrangements.
The guest speaker was easy enough to recognize. He was Michael Kinsley, the pale, geeky looking guy who used to appear on Crossfire. He had come in on a flight with two other participants, Irving Snodgrass and Cllrdr. There was no hiding the fact that all three of them were uncomfortable and uneasy about something. It wasn't the kind of thing I could act on yet, but it was information I filed in the back of head for later. In my line of work, you can never tell which piece of information is going to be important.
33. Marlow - July 12, 1999 - 8:44 PM PT
The final participant arrived on the 4:00 pm flight, which gave me just enough time to get to the hotel to prepare for the evening's events. On the way downtown, I called JJ on his cell phone to check on his end. After some difficulty getting cooperation from the staff, things had settled down and most of the guests were settled in their rooms. The cocktails were on schedule for 5:00 with dinner to follow at 6:00.
I arrived at the Adam's Mark at 4:45. I did a quick security sweep of the area and found nothing out of the ordinary. At 5:00 JJ and I were in the banquet room as the guests started to file in. It was interesting to watch people who had known each other for as much as three years finally meet face to face. I wandered around the room eavesdropping on the various conversations. They were talking about everything from economics to art to music to politics. I pride myself on knowing a little about a lot of things. These conversations left me mostly in the dark. I overheard someone mention the Cardinals and though I had found something I could follow. Then I realized they were talking Church Hierarchy in the Middle Ages and I was once again in the dark.
About 5:45 JJ checked his watch and motioned to me that he had to leave for a few minutes. He slipped out the side door and returned five minutes later through the same door.
Shortly before 6:00 Kinsley entered the room. JJ, Irv and Cllrdr went over to talk to him. After a few minutes Cllrdr went to the front of the room and picked up the mic.
34. Marlow - July 12, 1999 - 8:47 PM PT
"Ladies and Gentlemen, fellow Fraygrants, I would like to welcome you all to the first Midwest FrayUnion. If you take your seats please, dinner will be served in a few minutes. In the meantime I have a few announcements. First I would like to thank Michael Kinsley for taking time out of his busy schedule to be here. I would also like to thank JJ for his efforts in putting this event together . . .uh, Holden? Mr. Caulfield. Yes, you. You can take your drink to your table. Yes, they will bring another when that one is gone. He's the only guy I know who gets drunk on Diet Coke.
"Tonight after dinner Mr. Kinsley will have some remarks for us. After that JJ and his band, Just Water, will be playing. Rumor has that Diva and Bubbaette will be singing backup. That should be interesting to say the least.
"I see dinner is here, so I will talk to you again in a little while."
I ate dinner in the back of the room at kept watch over the situation. MsIvoryTower sat next to Kinsley and flirted with him shamelessly throughout the meal. The attention made Kinsley visibly uncomfortable. Despite his discomfort, Kinsley kept his composure and finally managed to disengage himself from MsIT's attentions. Dan Dillon and OhioSTOPAS sat at the next table and watched MsIT and Kinsley with considerable amusement. MsIT did not seem too happy about being dismissed.
As everyone was finishing dessert, Cllrdr returned to the microphone and did the normal MC routine. He told a few jokes, related a couple of stories about people in the Fray and made an announcement about the next days activities. He then introduced Kinsley.
35. Marlow - July 12, 1999 - 8:49 PM PT
Kinsley went up and took the mic. For a man who used to work in television, he seemed unusually nervous and distracted. He started with a story that I think was supposed to be humorous, but in the end it kind of fell flat. He then wandered from subject to subject for a few minutes. He finally ended up discussing the role of an activist government in a democratic society. He was obviously passionate about the subject. I am not one who follows politics other than the local variety, which I need for my business, so most of what he said was lost on me. I spent the time watching the people who were watching Kinsley. It was clear that the audience was divided. Some agreed, some didn't.
Kinsley finished to polite but not overwhelming applause. It was beginning to occur to the audience that Kinsley may have had too much to drink. He was becoming more and more unsteady on his feet and almost stumbled as he left and headed up to his room.
Cllrdr returned to the mic and tried to lighten the mood left by Kinsley's speech and sudden departure. He then introduced the band and then followed Kinsley upstairs. He came back about fifteen minutes later and said Kinsley seemed to be doing better. He said when he left Kinsley was sitting down to do some work on his laptop computer.
At 10:45 the band was about a half-hour into its second set when hotel's night manager came in looking badly shaken. He looked at JJ on stage and frowned. He then scanned the crowd until he saw me. He motioned for me to follow him.
"I need your help with a rather difficult matter. I…I…I've never had to deal with something like this."
"What's the problem."
By this time we were outside the hotel. The night was lit like a disco with flashing lights from an assortment of emergency vehicles. There was a crowd of people crowding around what looked like a body.
36. Marlow - July 12, 1999 - 8:50 PM PT
"We need you to confirm the identity, if you could."
As soon as I pushed through the crowd I knew who I was looking at. It was Kinsley. He was dressed in pajamas and a robe. No slippers. The paramedics said it looked like he died instantly on impact. The police said that the body was found about 10:25 by two people passing by. They immediately notified the hotel staff who called 911. The ambulance arrived at 10:38 and Kinsley was pronounced dead at the scene. The police said they did not have enough evidence yet to determine if the death was suicide or if foul play was involved. They said they would let me know what they found as they investigated.
I confirmed the identity of the body and went back inside to make the announcement. The shock ran through the room like a tidal wave. Everyone stood in stunned silence for what seemed like hours. Some wandered out and returned to their rooms without comment. Others stayed and began talking about Kinsley and his death. The band packed up their stuff without saying a word. JJ came back after the band had left and sat by me staring off into space.
"Unbelievable," he said, "Unfuckingbelievable."
He opened his mouth a couple more times but nothing else came out. By 1:30 am the last guests had left and I headed up to my room.
This morning JJ suggested that I write up the events of last night and post them to the Fray. I have tried to include as much information as possible. If you have any questions, I will be monitoring the Fray from time to time as I assist the police in their investigation. I will be posting additional information, as it becomes available. You can also question the attendees. They may have seen things or have information I don't. Any assistance you can provide to the police or myself will be appreciated.
--Marlow.
37. cmboyce - July 12, 1999 - 9:31 PM PT
Hmmm. It seems at least possible that Kinsley was not in fact drunk but was in fact stuffed full of maybe acid. Like Art Linkletter's kid, maybe tried to fly. The first question then, to any of the witnesses, perhaps particularly to MsIT, who by Marlow's account must have had the most intimate view of the guy, is: did he seem sober? tipsy? flat drunk? or in some other altered, addled, or incomprehensibilified state?
38. cllrdr - July 12, 1999 - 10:29 PM PT
"He then introduced the band and then followed Kinsley upstairs."
Hey -- It was just a blow job! I didn't kill him, honest.
Besides, I have some rather important information about the late Mr. Kinsley that even Jonah Goldberg doesn't know.
He was hypogylcemic!
The killer must have know about this, exacerbated Kinsley's condition somwhow, and brought about his death.
BUT WHO?
39. OhioSTOPAS - July 12, 1999 - 10:37 PM PT
Someone who knows how to spell "hypoglycemic", ruling YOU out, cllrdr!
Or . . . is that what you WANT us to think?
40. theDiva - July 13, 1999 - 6:30 AM PT
Frickin' Kinsley.....the band was just getting warmed up, too.
41. JJBiener - July 13, 1999 - 6:48 AM PT
Cllrdr - You knew he was hypoglycemic. I was there when he told you and Irv.
42. cllrdr - July 13, 1999 - 7:14 AM PT
But that was preceeded byt the plane incident. Irv, Kinsley and I were on the same flight to St.Louis (why we were going to St. Louis I have no idea) Kinsley and Irv were arguing, with Kinsley threatening to dissolve the Fray(in which case -- shouldn't we have been on route to Bali?) J.J. supplied the keys to the hotel room when we arived --leaving open the possibilty that he had duplicate keys made(!)
43. JJBiener - July 13, 1999 - 7:22 AM PT
Cllrdr - "why we were going to St. Louis I have no idea"
Because that's where the FrayUnion is.
44. cllrdr - July 13, 1999 - 7:25 AM PT
(Emily Litella voice):
Oh.
That's different.
Never mind.
45. theDiva - July 13, 1999 - 8:29 AM PT
That poor slob Kinsley. He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life, and found a dead beetle at the bottom.
46. cllrdr - July 13, 1999 - 8:30 AM PT
Yes. And what he'd really wanted was a live one.
47. cartmhan - July 13, 1999 - 10:48 AM PT
Good thing I am not in this mystery...I would say "I did it" and ruin the whole story!!! :-)
48. cmboyce - July 13, 1999 - 11:00 AM PT
When do we get the coroner's report?
49. OhioSTOPAS - July 13, 1999 - 11:16 AM PT
CORONER'S REPORT (UNOFFICIAL)
Cause of death:
Gravity.
50. JJBiener - July 13, 1999 - 11:19 AM PT
CMBoyce - I talked to Marlow and he says he is expecting the results of the police investigation later today. The ME's report will probably take a little longer. Apparently they are a bit backlogged.
51. JJBiener - July 13, 1999 - 11:21 AM PT
Ohio - I thought it was overdose of pavement.
52. judithathome - July 13, 1999 - 11:26 AM PT
So, can we get a list of the FrayUnion attendees? Or at least the ones who can be questioned?
53. cmboyce - July 13, 1999 - 11:30 AM PT
Message #49
Well, maybe not. He could have been dead before he hit the ground (heart attack). He could have been dead before he left the window (murder). He could have been dead for a week (voodoo). Who knows what weevil smirks in the minds of them?
(The Shadow doesn't. Yet.)
54. MsIvoryTower - July 13, 1999 - 11:35 AM PT
cmboyce
Regarding Message #37. Is that a direct question to me? And if so, can you be more specific?
55. JJBiener - July 13, 1999 - 11:37 AM PT
Judith - The following are potential witnesses and/or suspects.
MsIvoryTower
Cllrdr
DanDillon
Diva
Wabbit
Bubbaette
OhioSTOPAS
IrvingSnodgrass
HCaulfield
I can answer questions for Irv until he gets back.
56. theDiva - July 13, 1999 - 11:39 AM PT
ya know, he coulda been shot on the way down.
57. judithathome - July 13, 1999 - 11:41 AM PT
JJ:
Thanks!
58. JJBiener - July 13, 1999 - 11:47 AM PT
MsIT - Incoming message to your hotmail account.
59. cmboyce - July 13, 1999 - 11:52 AM PT
Message #54
Yes, MsIT. Could you tell us if, while you were talking with the late Mr. Kinsley at the FrayUnion, he was evidently intoxicated? And if he was, if he displayed any _unusual_ symptoms—not just the idiocies of your average dinnerparty drunk, but something suggestive of drug use, or medication—such as sleepiness, facial tics, pointless hilarity, delirium... that sort of thing.
60. cmboyce - July 13, 1999 - 11:55 AM PT
Message #56
Yeah, Diva! I like that, somebody write that in. A sharpshooter. Or...
could he have shot *himself* on the way down and with his last breath thrown the pistol into the canal... ?
I hope the cops check for powder burns.
61. theDiva - July 13, 1999 - 11:56 AM PT
I will say this.....I was rather astonished at the spectacle the Ms was making at that table.
62. cmboyce - July 13, 1999 - 12:10 PM PT
DanDillon and OhioStopas:
Marlow reports that you witnessed the scene between Kinsley and MsIT. So I'd like to ask the same question of you: did he seem inebriated or drugged in any way?
And come to think of it, on reviewing Marlow's initial report, I see that three witnesses spoke with Kinsley even before dinner and its potable temptations. Irv, JJ, Cllrdr: how did he seem then? Drunk, stoned, ill, tired, wired? Weird?
What's more, while I'm at it (that's Message #34), Marlow declares that the FrayUnion was sponsored by Slate!! Now that sounds suspicious as all hell! Slate can't even give the Fray a glance. Could something be going on here, some sort of blackmail or something? What might imaginably motivate Michael Kinsley to address the FrayUnion (however inadequately)? Hmmm. Irv?. Do you have an opinion on this almost perverse development?
63. MsIvoryTower - July 13, 1999 - 12:18 PM PT
Diva Message #61
***Blush**
I don't know what came over me, I think I'd had just a wee bit too much to drink (I told you guys, I'm not good at holding the liquor).
64. MsIvoryTower - July 13, 1999 - 12:20 PM PT
cm
I was *very* upset that he could so easily resist my many charms.....
let me think on your other questions though, it's all so foggy (and quite embarrassing to remember, I must admit).....
65. cllrdr - July 13, 1999 - 12:21 PM PT
Well I'm sure you all know I have many reasons for wanting to off Kinsley (especially those of you who remember "The Media in Crisis" thread.) Actually I thought he'd end up smothered to death from having his head stuck up Lucianne Goldberg's butt for too long.
But outside of a pure Gide-like gratuitous act (and "Les Caves du Vatican" is a favorite novel of mine) what would be my motive?
66. cmboyce - July 13, 1999 - 12:23 PM PT
Message #65
A crime of passion, of the sexual-encounter-gone-wrong variety?
67. cmboyce - July 13, 1999 - 12:25 PM PT
It looks as though MsIT may have been too shloshed to be a reliable witness!
Can anyone else describe the late editor's condition at the party?
68. cllrdr - July 13, 1999 - 12:25 PM PT
With Kinsley?!?! Have you taken a good look at him lately?
69. cmboyce - July 13, 1999 - 12:31 PM PT
Um... no offense intended, Cllr. I was just taking you at your word (in Message #38).
70. theDiva - July 13, 1999 - 12:33 PM PT
Missy
Well, that's a plausible explanation. I don't know how any sober woman could come on to him. That adam's apple just gets to me.....I'd be afraid he'd put my eye out with it at the crucial moment, ifyouknowwhatImean. Yuck.
71. Marlow - July 13, 1999 - 12:58 PM PT
Monday morning arrived like a steamroller. As consciousness made its unwelcome return, the events of the previous night came rushing back like the waves off Catalina at high tide. I turned off the alarm clock and quickly showered and dressed. I grabbed a doughnut and coffee from the complimentary continental breakfast and made my way to Kinsley's room. JJ was there with the police detective and the team of investigators. They had just unsealed the room from the night before and they were starting to catalog everything in the room.
JJ and I discussed the situation and decided that I would over see the police and the investigation while he saw to the guests. Fortunately JJ had planned an easy day. He had arranged a bus for those who wanted to go shopping and have lunch at the Galleria. There were also plenty of sightseeing activities in the area. For the evening JJ had rented out a party room at Busch Stadium for the Cards game.
The police were thorough in their search. It took them until almost 10:00 last night to examine, identify and catalog everything in the two room suite. It took them until a few minutes ago to get me a copy of their report. Their initial conclusion: Kinsley committed suicide. As much as I hate to admit it, the evidence supports this conclusion.
There was no sign of forced entry.
There was no sign of a struggle.
Two empty medicine bottles were found in Kinsley's briefcase. One originally held an antidepressant, the other an anti-psychotic medication. Both prescriptions were old and not been refilled in nearly six months.
There was also a suicide note.
At least that is how the police are describing it. When the police entered the room Kinsley's laptop computer was open and running on the table. His email program was up and the following message had been type in.
72. Marlow - July 13, 1999 - 12:59 PM PT
"I am sorry for what I am about to do. I am afraid it cannot be avoided now. The wheels have been set in motion and it is only a matter of time before human nature takes its course. I know it will seem as if I have unleashed the demons of Hell, but I believe in my heart that it is the right thing. I am sorry it had to come to this."
The police have ordered an autopsy to confirm the suicide, but it going to take a day or two for that to occur. In the meantime I have my doubts. Maybe it's just that I have trouble seeing someone famous like Kinsley having problems serious enough to lead to this. Or it could be instinct or a PIs need to see the world in heroes and villains. Either way, something doesn't smell right about this. I intend to keep poking around until I can get a better feeling about this.
If you have any questions about what was in the report, please ask. I am also looking for any other evidence or explanations.
73. cllrdr - July 13, 1999 - 2:18 PM PT
Hmmm. Sounds a lot like Paul Bern's suicide note.
No forced entry, eh? Maybe a giant ape did it a la "Murders in the Rue Morgue."
74. OhioSTOPAS - July 13, 1999 - 4:55 PM PT
cmboyce: To answer your question in Message #62, I wasn't really watching Kinsley. You see, MsIT - yeah, she was soused - had bet Dan and me she could make Kinsley blush. And she gave it her best shot, too. So I hope you'll understand, I wasn't watching HIM.
(The male interns in the Office of the Fray Vice President of the United States are in for an adventure.)
75. MsIvoryTower - July 13, 1999 - 5:52 PM PT
Well *really* Ohio, must you be such a blabbermouth???
And I wasn't "soused", I was just a bit tipsy....
*sniff
76. wabbit - July 13, 1999 - 5:55 PM PT
77. OhioSTOPAS - July 13, 1999 - 6:30 PM PT
No, MsIT, you were soused.
This is a murder mystery. SOMEONE's gotta be "soused", and it was you!
And who's a "blabbermouth"? A blabbermouth would tell everyone what you had to do to pay off the bet . . .
78. patsyrolph - July 13, 1999 - 6:44 PM PT
wabbit, what? what? Your lips are sealed? Did you see something? Speak.
79. OhioSTOPAS - July 13, 1999 - 7:06 PM PT
Of course, we're ALL blabbermouths compared to Wabbit.
80. cmboyce - July 13, 1999 - 8:11 PM PT
"I know it will seem as if I have unleashed the demons of Hell..."
Huh? A suicide is certainly a bit messy, yes, but "demons of Hell"? This must be the murderer's work. I hope those guys dusted that keyboard!
(Anyway, we know it aint no suicide. How much fun would that be?)
81. Amaxen - July 13, 1999 - 9:22 PM PT
Marlow,
Re the police report:
Was there any security software involved in Kinsley's Laptop? Could anyone have powered it up, or is it necessary that he logon to his email program first?
Also, that does not seem to be a suicide note to me, but a slightly over the top explanation of why he is going to shut down the Fray. Perhaps a hypothetical killer typed in the last couple of sentences after giving Kinsley a little push.
82. cmboyce - July 13, 1999 - 9:43 PM PT
"...he is going to shut down the Fray."
Aha! A motive!
But not if the _killer_ typed it. Then it's a ... it's ... it's the fabled Red Herring!
(Moving right along, here.)
83. Slackjaw - July 13, 1999 - 10:57 PM PT
The Adam's Mark in St. Louis? You know, just last weekend I stayed in this very hotel. Poor sap probably jumped because the place is a dump of a hotel. Lots of veneer, not much else.
St. Louis seems kind of boring. Everyone had a "but we really *are* a big city" attitude. And the toasted ravioli and Ted Drewe's frozen custard are *highly* overrated.
This is a cool thread, by the way. Carry on.
84. CIGARLAW - July 13, 1999 - 11:43 PM PT
the don saunters into the room, looking like the back end ofa three week binge. he stops, notices the police and his eyes suddenly open wide, looking like two red fiestaware saucers.
'mike,' he shouts. 'i said lookers, not hookers. now where the hell is the whisky?'
a uniform pushes him out the door. the don suddenly bends down and picks up a wadded up piece of paper. he silently reads the note, 'i am sorry to leave such a mess, but if i could clean up this mess i wouldn't be leaving.'
'what the hell does that mean?' he says soto voce as he grabs the nearest chambermaid and drags her into his room.
'no sabe engl,,,' her scream is rapidly silenced.
85. alistairconnor - July 14, 1999 - 1:58 AM PT
I think I can shed some light on Kinsley's last e-mail. Although the content is evidently not specific, I believe it was addressed to me.
Though the fact that he apparently did not hit the Send button is one of several factors which make me believe there is foul play involved.
My first contact with Mike Kinsley dates to late May this year, when I alerted to him to machinations concerning the ownership of Slate, which were going on behind his back. New Zealand being a small place and everything, I had gotten wind of a deal which was being negotiated between Bill Gates and an international media mogul, who I will refer to as M*****h. The intermediary (perhaps the instigator?) of this deal is a fraygrant who shall remain nameless - and who, oddly enough, hasn't been around here much recently. Suffice it to say that he is a journalist, and claims to be a New Zelalander.
Or perhaps that's the other way around.
86. alistairconnor - July 14, 1999 - 2:06 AM PT
In any case, when I e-mailed Kinsley with what I knew, he took it very badly. He had felt that, while he did not have a close relationship with Gates, he could at least trust him to keep his engagement to stick with Slate for the long haul, at least another five years. But apparently, Gates is obsessed with some poor sales projections for Windows 2000 and of astronomical costs from impending conviction in the monopoly case. He wants some quick cash, and Mur... I mean, the media mogul is prepared to pony up to get hold of the prestigious Slate masthead.
I put it to Kinsley that, given the demographics of Slate's readership, he could put together some sort of leveraged buyout by the fraygrants themselves. Ten thousand dollars a head should not pose a problem. "What are there, a hundred of youse?" he replied. "That makes a paltry million. Chicken feed. Ha. Ha."
He confronted Gates, who after stonewalling for a few weeks, confirmed essentially all of the information I had. The deal is as good as signed. Kinsley was very, very depressed about it, but kept it secret because he had not entirely given up hope of arranging an alternative buyer.
87. alistairconnor - July 14, 1999 - 2:19 AM PT
In fact, I believe he had fairly advanced negotiations going on with the publishers of The Sun's Eye, who had come up with a fairly unconventional deal that enabled Kinsley to keep editorial control, albeit at a vastly reduced salary. The last e-mails I had from him were fairly upbeat, apparently he had appealed to Gates's embryonic social consciences, pluralism, monopolies etc, and Gates, while still wanting a big pile of dough, was leaning towards the offer of the sunseye people. Perhaps they can cast some light on this aspect of the affair?
So I have my suspicions, in any case. The hypothesis of suicide can not be ruled out, if the deal had fallen through and Slate, his creation, was to be thrown to the dogs, perhaps he could be driven to that? I don't know him well enough to say.
The only other person I have informed of all this is, naturally enough, Irving. He was very evasive about it, and clearly he knew as much, or more, than me. I couldn't help feeling that he was hedging his bets. I think you should come clean now, Irving.
88. alistairconnor - July 14, 1999 - 2:26 AM PT
One last thing, which feeds my suspicion of foul play. I had tried to contact the unmentionable New Zealand fraygrant, to confront him with all this, over the weekend. It turns out he is out of the country, and his travel agent let slip that he had bought one-way tickets to the USA.
One interesting aspect of the M*****h deal : Slate was to be sold with the editor's position vacant. Not that Kinsley intended to stay anyway.
Three guesses as to M*****h's pick to fill this post? A clue: Someone young, brash and know-nothing, just like the readership he intends to attract to Slate.
So just imagine the following: Kinsley is on the point of clinching the Sun's Eye deal; the Nameless One gets wind of it, and takes desperate measures to preserve his prize.
Has anyone seen a certain unfragrant antipodean lurking round St Louis?
89. cllrdr - July 14, 1999 - 6:26 AM PT
So where *was* Gates while all this was going on?
The plot thickens!
90. Marlow - July 14, 1999 - 7:33 AM PT
I sat in the hotel coffee shop for hours staring at the crime scene photos and rereading the police report. Suicide was too easy. It made it too easy to just sweep everything under the rug and move on. Every time I tried to put the case away, something would draw me back.
One photo. The one with the contents of the briefcase kept drawing me back. The picture showed a stack of papers, a trade paperback, and the two empty bottles of medication. The police report said the papers were notes for his talk, his travel schedule, copies of memos, etc. Nothing I could tie to a murder. The book was a recent release about Patriots in the Northwest. The medicine bottles were from a national chain and according to the labels they were about six months old. It appeared he had never had them refilled.
Then it hit me like a Holyfield punch to the gut. The medicine bottles were wrong. If they were six months old, they should look six months old. Instead they looked brand new. I checked the police report again. They had been dusted for prints, but the prints were smudged and unusable. I pulled out my cell phone and called the number on the bottle. The pharmacist confirmed my suspicion. The prescription wasn't theirs. The prescription number didn't even match their system. To be sure I was on the right track, I called the doctor who supposedly prescribed the medication. Kinsley had never been a patient.
I called the police detective and told him what I discovered. It was now officially a murder investigation.
91. cllrdr - July 14, 1999 - 8:03 AM PT
Very Vince Foster.
92. JJBiener - July 14, 1999 - 8:09 AM PT
Cllrdr - Thank you.
93. judithathome - July 14, 1999 - 8:41 AM PT
Roman a'Fray?
94. JJBiener - July 14, 1999 - 12:45 PM PT
Jen requested I repost my email address. For her and anyone who wants it here it is:
jjbiener@yahoo.com
Happy hunting.
95. MsIvoryTower - July 14, 1999 - 8:37 PM PT
I seem to recall that Kinsley seemed very distracted, and unsteady during my conversation with him. He almost appeared drunk, and yet he didn't have more than two drinks that I saw.
In fact, now that I think about it, he seemed a bit unsteady on his feet too, and was perspiring quite heavily.
Hmmmmm
96. Fraaank9 - July 14, 1999 - 10:46 PM PT
Deev,
ROTFLMAO !!! Re: Message #56
Are you sure you weren't a comedy writer in a previous life ?
Could we just blame it all on Ricky Martin and be done with him ?
97. JJBiener - July 15, 1999 - 6:50 AM PT
Fraaaank - We could blame it on the Bossa Nova, but that wouldn't be much fun, would it?
I just talked to Marlow. He is looking over the autopsy report as we speak. He should have some information for us soon.
98. Fraaank9 - July 15, 1999 - 6:58 AM PT
JJ,
Yes, you are right I guess. By the way, I think the girls like to mambo in here.
Incidently, will you put me out of my misery and just shoot me ? I can't bare the thought any longer that I have allowed the name 'Ricky Martin' to infiltrate my mental processes.
99. JJBiener - July 15, 1999 - 7:03 AM PT
Take it easy, Frank. You survived the Macarena, you can surivive Ricky Martin.
100. theDiva - July 15, 1999 - 7:32 AM PT
Did someone say 'mambo'?